When the four of them arrived at the Renaissance Festival, they walked through the gated entrance. There was an eight-foot wooden fence that looked like it went all around the parameter of the festival. It reminded Char of a fortress that you’d find around a castle in England in the Middle Ages. Off immediately to the left was the entrance to the men’s bathroom and to the right was the entrance to the women’s bathroom.
Everyone spoke in the old English Elizabethan style. A wench dressed in an Elizabethan era costume had a toilet seat in her hand and a pitcher of water. She came up to Vincent, Jonathan, Rosie, and Char, poured the water through the toilet seat, and kept saying, “Privy? Privy?”
There was already a large crowd of people, and most were dressed in the clothing that was similar to what was worn during the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. Everyone was lined up, waiting on the parade that would have the queen and king opening the fair and welcoming the people. First out were the court jesters, followed by the centaurs, magicians, a hunchback, and jugglers. There was a man walking in the parade that stood at least thirty feet tall. He was standing on poles covered with brown felt or velvet material with feet that looked like huge dog paws. Next to come were the swordfighters, the wizard, and poets. After that came the jousting knights, and the king’s men dressed in chainmail armor. There were children running all around, dressed in medieval clothes. Then, finally, the King and Queen arrived, marking the end of the parade and the opening of the events.
Past the men’s bathroom on the left were adult games such as the Axe Throw, Star Throw, and the Knife Throw.
Rosie challenged Jonathan. “You probably couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn throwing that axe.”
Jonathan glanced at Vincent, who smiled and said, “Don’t look at me.”
Jonathan then looked back at Rosie and replied, “I may not be able to throw an axe, but I can throw a knife.” He walked up to the knife throwing booth and paid for seven turns. Everyone stood back and watched as Jonathan threw the knives, hitting six dead center out of seven, and winning a mid-sized stuffed animal.
Vincent and Char were walking along the rough terrain that was uneven and muddy, with tree roots sticking up above the ground. Another wench came up to Vincent. She had on an Elizabethan-style dress that was very low-cut in the front, showing her cleavage. She had glued two large styrofoam cups onto her breasts. Char grinned at Vincent as he looked at the wrench and murmured, “Hmm…”
“Ale, my lord?” she asked.
He shook his head no and looked over at Char with his eyebrows raised, a grin on his face.
Soon they came upon a centaur and a hunchbacked individual walking around, begging for alms.
They walked by the Drench A Wench and Soak A Bloke booths, and Jonathan challenged Vincent. “You used to have a good throwing arm, think you can ‘Soak a Bloke?’” he asked mischievously.
Vincent laid out some money for four balls. If he hit the target, it would drop the bloke into the dunk tank. Vincent threw the first ball and missed.
The bloke laughed and said, “Ye miss, ye miss, ye thro’ like a wench.”
He threw the second ball, and it hit the target on an angle but didn’t sink the bloke.
The bloke taunted Vincent, “Ye’re wench can throw better than ye.”
Vincent snorted and threw the third ball, again just missing the target.
The bloke said, “Let me have me wench show ye how it be done” and sent his wench out to show him a mock display of how to throw the ball.
Vincent’s grin turned wolfish, and he said, “Won’t miss this time.”
He dunked the bloke. Everyone around them started clapping, glad to see someone win at the game.
A group of jesters came up and around Char, Vincent, Rosie, and Jonathan and other people that were walking alongside of them. They had bright red-colored clothing and eccentric hats in a motley patterns. Some were doing acrobatics, some were juggling, and some were even telling jokes and stories.
One jester said, “Why do dwarves have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.”
Another jester said, “An ogre walks into a bar with flint and steel. The bartender lets him in, but says, ‘Don’t start anything.’”
Vincent and Char laughed at the bawdy and somewhat humorous jokes.
The four of them got to the jousting area at the back of the festival and saw that a game was due to start in a few minutes, so they sat down, the men on the outside and Rosie and Char sitting next to each other in the middle. The knights all came out and were introduced to the audience, and everyone whistled and put their hands up in the air, yelling or woo-hooing, including Char and Rosie.
After the jousting match was over and the knight was rewarded by the king, the four decided they were hungry. Vincent and Jonathan got roasted turkey legs, which were about ten inches long. Char and Rosie chose fish and chips with iced tea.
After they ate their lunches, they were surrounded by magicians and dancers and fairies. They strolled on over to the artisans and looked at the jewelry, pottery, candles, and other art work that was made to resembled the era they were enraptured in.
As they continued to walk through the festival, they happened upon the pavilion where the seats were cement and it sloped downward in a half-circle toward a center stage. They sat down and watched two plays, one a comedy and one a Shakespearean play.
After the Shakespearean play, they walked by the human-powered swings and other rides that were human powered.
Jon asked, “Do you want to try the swing?”
Rosie and Char eyeballed the ride and looked at each other. Both shook their heads and said “no” simultaneously.
They wandered upon a small group that was trying to extract information from another individual who had a young pet pig on a leash. They finally started to give up and began to walk away when suddenly a wizard standing in the group said, “I bet the pig could tell us what we need to know.” Someone from the small group then said, “Yeah, I bet the barbarian could talk to it also, they have the same intelligence.”
Vincent looked at Char with a bemused expression on his face and rolled his eyes. Char started to chuckle as they walked away.
By 4:00 PM, they had covered the whole area of the Renaissance Festival and were ready to leave. On the way home they decided to stop at Armadillo Steak House for dinner, and Vincent pulled into the parking lot.
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